Funny One Liner Quotes: 200+ Best Whatsapp Statuses

One Liner Quotes

Whatsapp has more than a billion of people sending messages and sharing moments daily. With the decline of “original sharing” on Facebook which is basically sharing life moments instead of commercial external links and promotional posts; our way of expressing our emotions and current stats has turned into one liner quotes as Whatsapp Statuses. Admit it, you have that one friend in your crew asking you to suggest him few one liner quotes for his Whatsapp Status, or Instagram Captions. Even if you hate this “trend” of setting one liner quotes as your statuses, you have to.. well don’t you get bored of “busy”, “available” and other predefined stuff as your status?

There are thousands of clever lines, music lyrics, one liner quotes,etc. which might just fit into your current mood or current status and will help in you expressing without speaking. You might be one of those who “don givva fuk” about WhatsApp Status Quotes but there are many people or I say, majority of crowd looking for such cheeky lines. Well we completely understand it, so we have prepared a list of such funny, clever, cool or whatever you would like to call it; for us they are “One Liner Quotes”.

1. The lead dog gets the best view. the rest of the dog’s view is butt ugly. Of course, the lead dog is also the first to fall into a ravine. (Richard Saunders)
2. The last thing I want to do is insult you. But it IS on the list.
3. I would like to slip into something more comfortable – like a coma.
4. Imagination is more important than intelligence.(Albert Einstein)
5. Don’t confuse me with facts, I prefer to remain ignorant.
6. Cafeteria: Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. (Socks can eat any place they want.)
7. Hypochondria is the only disease I haven’t got.
8. I want patience – AND I WANT IT NOW!!!!
9. Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
10. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
11. Be curious, not judgemental. (Walt Whitman)
12. Sometimes the best way to figure out who you are is to get to that place where you don’t have to be anything else.
13. Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet — miss a car payment.
14. “It depends on your definition of asleep. They were not stretched out. They had their eyes closed. They were seated at their desks with their heads in a nodding position.”
15. My mind’s made up, don’t confuse me with facts.
16. Why can’t you play cards on a small boat? Because someone is always sitting on the deck.
17. “The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It’s only the people who make them unsafe.”
18. Keep away from people who try to bellittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you too, can become great. (Mark Twain)
19. The purpose of prayer is not to get answers, things or anything-not even holiness. Valuable though they are, all of those are side effects. The purpose of prayer is to get acquainted with God. Anything else is a bonus. (Alfred C. McClure)
20. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
21. It is better to have bad breath than to have no breath at all.
22. Answering machine message: “You’re growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone you will feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and a message”
23. The more I know, the more I know I don’t know.
24. After Rabbi Noah succeeded his father Rabbi Mordechai as Rav of Lechovitz, his hasidic followers soon noted that he did many things quite differently. The reponse above was the answer, when Rabbi Mordechai was asked about this. [Eugene Borowitz, Frances Weinman Schwartz]
25. Welcome to Utah: set your watch back 20 years.
26. The dogs bark but the caravan moves on.
27. If it is tourist season, why can’t we shoot them?
28. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.
29. Bureaucrats cut red tape, lengthwise.
30. It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
31. If I want your opinion, I’ll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.
32. We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
33. When the going gets tough, the tough get going.
34. The problem with sex in the movies is, that the popcorn usually spills.
35. “After finding no qualified candidates for the position of principal, the school board is extremely pleased to announce the appointment of David Steele to the post.”
36. A day for firm decisions! Or is it?
37. Every organisation is perfectly designed to get the results they are getting.
38. You will face many defeats in your life, but never let yourself be defeated.
39. The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
40. “I haven’t committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law.”
41. Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
42. He who pays the piper calls the tune.
43. There are days when it takes all you’ve got just to keep up with teh losers. (Robert Orben)
44. Childeren need more models than critics.
45. Just because your doctor has a name for your condition doesn’t mean he knows what it is.
46. All power corrupts. Absolute power is pretty neat, though.
47. Take my advice — I’m not using it.
48. People don’t fail, they give up.
49. War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
50. Brain cells create ideas. Stress kills brain cells. Stress is not a good idea. (Richard Saunders)
51. Everyday is a gift, that’s why they call it the present.
52. Art doesn’t transform. It just plain forms. [Roy Lichtenstein]
53. Life is not so much a matter of position as of disposition.
54. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
55. The only power you have is the word ‘no’. [Frances McDormand]
56. Well, here I am! What are your other two wishes?
57. Contradictory statements: Not Necessarily Lying
58. The trouble with dong something right the first time is that nbody appreiates how difficult it was.
59. When your only tool is a hammer, all problems start looking like nails.
60. Everybody repeat after me: “We are all individuals.”
61. I got lost in thoughts. It was unfamiliar territory.
62. To err is human, to blame it on someone else is more human.
63. Confession is good for the soul, but bad for your career.
64. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.
65. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experienceI want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
66. The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
67. When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become president. I’m beginning to believe it.
68. Talk is cheap. Until you hire a lawyer.
69. A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks.
70. Time doesn’t exist. Clocks exists.
71. I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
72. Good judgment comes from experience, and experience … well, that comes from poor judgment.
73. Which dreams indeed are ambition, for the very substance of the ambitious is merely the shadow of a dream. (William Shakespear)
74. Do not wish to be anything but what you are, and try to be that perfectly.
75. It’s your attitude and not your aptitude that determines your altitude.
76. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person (pay attention, this one never fails – although the reverse conclusion is not always true).
77. My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
78. I think sex is better than logic, but I can’t prove it.
79. Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
80. When you remain true to yoru beliefs, loyal to yoru ideas and faithful to your dreams, you remain free forever.
81. The future is purchased by the present.
82. I don’t like balance. Balance is not a word you can use in Versace fashion. [Donatella Versace]
83. The future belongs to those who believ in the beauty of their dreams. (Eleanor Roosevelt)
84. If at first you don’t succeed, redefine success.
85. Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
86. Give us clear vision that we may know where to stand and what to stand for, because unless we stand for something, we shall fall for anything. (Peter Marshall)
87. All my life I’ve always wanted to be somebody. But I see now I should have been more specific.[Jane Wagner]
88. Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.
89. “He didn’t say that. He was reading what was given to him in a speech.”
90. If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
91. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.
92. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
93. All that we see or seem, is but a dream within a dream. (Edgar Allen Poe)
94. Every man dies; but not every man really lives. (Braveheart)
95. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
96. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
97. The pursuit of happiness is the chase of a life time.
98. Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.
99. Bowling Alley: Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop.
100. A dog has an owner. A cat has a staff.
101. When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.
102. Sounds like its time to get that Enterprise built!
103. As a child, I received instruction both in the Bible and in the Talmud. I am a Jew, but I am enthralled by the luminous figure of the Nazarene. [Albert Einstein]
104. My favorite bumper stickers says: “All generalizations are false.”
105. That that is, is, that that is not, is not. [try understaning that without the commas set]
106. I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
107. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
108. Some people tink holding on makes them strong, sometimes its letting go.
109. The secret of true greatness is simplicity.
110. Prediction is very difficult, especially about the future. [Niels Bohr]
111. Which one of these is the non-smoking lifeboat?
112. Are these genes in your jeans or are you just happy to see me?
113. Francis Gary Powers, U-2 reconnaissance pilot held by the Soviets for spying, in an interview after he was returned to the US.
     I don’t have a solution, but I do admire the problem.
114. One thing you can’t recycle is wasted time.
115. When you are arguing with an idiot, make sure the other person isn’t doing the same thing.
116. Desire for nothing except desirelessness, hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes, want nothing and you will have everything.
117. 7/5th of all people do not understand fractions.
118. Under my gruff exterior lies an even gruffer interior.
119. Failure is not an option. It’s bundled with your software.
120. Preach the Gospel at all times…if necessary, use words. (St. Francis of Assisi)
121. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be “meetings”.
122. The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved: loved for ourselves, or reather, loved in spite of ourselves.
123. You can’t direnct the wind, but you can adjust the sail.
124. Richard Darman, director of OMB, explaining why President Bush wasn’t following up on his campaign pledge that there would be no loss of wetlands.
     “I was a pilot flying an airplane and it just so happened that, where I was flying, made what I was doing spying.”
125. Better to understand little than to misunderstand a lot.
126. Blowing out another man’s flame doesn’t make your shine any brighter, but less.
127. The pun is mightier than the word.
128. Lost time is never found again.
129. Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
130. Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer.
131. I started with nothing, and I still have most of it.
132. There is no dance without the dancers.
133. If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
134. You have the capacity to learn from your mistakes, and you will learn a lot today.
135. The road to hell is paved with good intentions.
136. When one door shuts, another opens.
137. An Educational system isn;t worth a great deal if it teaches young people how to make a living but doesn’t teach them how to make a life.
138. Works fills the time allowed for its completion. [Parkinson’s law — Cyril Northcote Parkinson as part of the first sentence of a humorous essay published in The Economist in 1955]
139. Humans are like tea bags. They never realize their strength until they are put in hot water.
140. If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away. (Henry David Thoreau)
141. If you want your dream to come true, don’t over sleep.
142. Bombs don’t kill people, explosions kill people.
143. Treat each day as your last; one day you will be right.
144. Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
145. If you are here – who is running hell?
146. We live in a society where pizza get to your house before the police.
147. The best material model of a cat is another, or preferably the same, cat. [Norbert Wiener]
148. Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
149. Never let formal education get in the way of learning. (Mark Twain)
150. Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes…
151. “I didn’t accept it. I received it.”
152. Those who say it can’t be done are usually interrupted by others doing it.
153. “I do exactly as my father did. He did not imitate and I do not imitate.”
154. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
155. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
156. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot chabge, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. (St. Francis of Assisi)
157. Attempt to get a new car for your spouse – it’ll be a great trade.
158. I said yes, which turned out to be the right answer. [Pat Sajak]
159. Isn’t it scary that doctors call what they do “practice”?
160. The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.
161. Am I ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
162. I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. I tried — but they wanted cash.
163. Frank Rizzo, ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia
164. What lies behind us, and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
165. I worry whoever thought up the term “quality control” thought if we didn’t control it, it would get out of hand.
166. “I was under medication when I made the decision not to burn the tapes.”
167. If you are never scared, embarrassed of hurt, it means you never take chances.
168. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
169. Jesus loves you, it’s everybody else that thinks you’re an a…
170. Essentially, all models are wrong, but some are useful. [George E. P. Box]
171. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
172. Sure, I’d love to help you out … now, which way did you come in?
173. Minds are like parachutes-they only function when open.
174. “They gave me a book of checks. They didn’t ask for any deposits.”
175. Help stamp out, eliminate and abolish redundancy!
176. A friend walks in when everyone else walks out.
177. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
178. Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
179. If you go out looking for friends, you’re going to find they are very scarce. If you go out to be a friend, you’ll find them everywhere. (Zig Zigler)
180. Our Bible reveals to us the character of our God with minute and remorseless exactness … It is perhaps the most damnatory biography that exists in print anywhere. It makes Nero an angel of light and leading by contrast. [Mark Twain]
181. I said “no” to drugs, but they just wouldn’t listen.
182. How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise MY hand!
183. If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
184. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
185. Seen it all, done it all, can’t remember most of it.
186. Failure is the path of least persistence.
187. If nothing was learned, nothing was taught.
188. The road to success is always under construction. [Lily Tomlin]
189. The problem with trouble shooting is that trouble shoots back.
190. A fool with a tool is still a fool.
191. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
192. Take nothing but pictures. Leave nothing but footprints. Kill nothing but time. (Motto o fthe Baltimore Grotto)
193. There is always light at the end of the tunnel – if there isn’t, it’s not a tunnel …
194. A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
195. To find the person you can truely trust, look no futher that nthe nearest mirror.
196. Falling in love is not at all the most stupid thing that people do — but gravitation can not be held responsible for it. [Albert Einstein]
197. One good thing about being wrong is the joy it brings others.
198. I support your right to free speech.
199. Respect my right not to be forced to listen to it.
200. One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I’ll never know.
201. A MIT linguistic professor was lecturing his class. “In English,” he said, “a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn’t a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative.”
     A voice from the back of the room piped up, “Yeah, right.”
202. Time flies like an arrow;
     fruit flies like a banana.
203. THE COURT: Now, as we begin, I must ask you to banish all present information and prejudice from your minds, if you have any.
204. Attorney: Doctor, what treatment did you give this man?
     Doctor: I cleansed the wound, sutured it, and put him to bed with a nurse.
205. The governor of the Bank of England began an address to an assembly of bankers with these words:
     “There are three kinds of economists, those who can count and those who can’t.”